#171: How to Transform Your Life
For our first episode of 2025, we're exploring the journey of creating a life that feels deeply authentic and aligned with who you truly are. Moving beyond societal expectations and the hamster wheel of constant striving, this episode challenges you to embrace courage, honesty, and personal responsibility to make meaningful changes in your life.
For our first episode of 2025, we're exploring the journey of creating a life that feels deeply authentic and aligned with who you truly are. Moving beyond societal expectations and the hamster wheel of constant striving, this episode challenges you to embrace courage, honesty, and personal responsibility to make meaningful changes in your life.
Key topics covered:
Why honesty with yourself is essential for transformatio
The power of action—and why inaction is a decision too
How to reconnect with your deepest desires and yearnings
Building capacity for discomfort as a tool for growth
Practicing courage and embracing fear as part of the process
If you’re ready to step into agency, responsibility, and bravery in 2025, this episode is for you.
For those wanting deeper support, I invite you to join me in Homecoming, a six-month mastermind for creating a life filled with joy, freedom, and abundance.
How to Transform Your Life: Practical Steps to a Fulfilling Journey
January heralds a fresh start and invites reflections on how to transform one's life. It's an opportunity to step into courage and authenticity, paving the way for a life that feels more aligned and true. It's not about chasing societal expectations or ticking off milestones but rather reconnecting with one's deeper desires and yearnings. Here are some practical steps to help you embark on this transformative journey.
Embrace Radical Honesty
The bedrock of life transformation is radical honesty, being truthful with yourself about what's working and what isn't. Take a moment to audit your life. Are there aspects that feel unfulfilling or even soul-destroying? Are you maintaining a status quo because it's comfortable, even though it no longer serves you? Identifying these areas can be daunting, but it offers clarity on what needs to change. Honesty shines a light on the path and gives a clear vision of what’s holding you back.
Understand That Inaction is a Choice
One common trap many people fall into is the belief that inaction carries less responsibility than action. In reality, choosing to do nothing about a situation is still a choice. If you find yourself paralysed by indecision, remind yourself that inaction perpetuates more of the same. Recognising this can mobilise you into taking responsibility and making proactive changes. You are the author of your life; every non-decision is a decision for the status quo.
Get Intimate with Your Desires
Many people shy away from articulating their desires for fear of vulnerability or potential failure. However, understanding and expressing your true yearnings can be incredibly empowering. Spend time reflecting on what you genuinely want from life. How do you want to feel in your relationships, in your work, in your daily life? Creating a vivid picture of your desired feelings and experiences is a powerful step toward manifesting them. Allow yourself to dream big and give voice to those dreams, even if it’s just to yourself.
Build Your Capacity for Discomfort
To transform your life, you must build your capacity for discomfort. Capability is the antidote to anxiety. The more you face and overcome challenges, the less anxious you become, as you trust in your ability to handle life's ups and downs. Stop expending energy trying to avoid discomfort. Instead, seek out opportunities to push your boundaries. Each time you step out of your comfort zone, you expand it. Embrace the process of doing hard things and let it build your resilience and self-efficacy.
Practise Courage Regularly
Courage is not the absence of fear but taking action despite it. Practising courage is essential for transformation. Every courageous act, no matter how small, builds your 'courage muscle'. Whether it’s making a difficult decision, expressing a long-held desire, or taking a leap into the unknown, each act of bravery strengthens your confidence and resolve. Remember, courage is a skill that grows with practice. Embrace the moments where fear and bravery intersect; these are the seeds of significant change.
Accept Responsibility and Agency
An empowering truth is that you have the agency to affect change in your life. Even when external circumstances seem overwhelming, focusing on what you can control is transformative. Accepting this responsibility can be intimidating, but it also liberates you from the victim mindset. You have the power to make choices aligned with your values and desires. Trust in yourself to navigate challenges and seize opportunities for growth.
Create a Supportive Environment
Surrounding yourself with supportive people and environments is crucial for sustained transformation. Seek out communities, mentors, or friends who encourage your growth and hold you accountable. Positive influences can provide invaluable perspectives and motivation during challenging times. Whether through formal programmes, like masterminds, or informal networks, building a supportive environment can make the journey more enjoyable and less isolating.
Set and Follow Through on Standards
Transformation is not an overnight event; it’s a process marked by consistent choices and actions. Set clear standards for yourself and follow through on them. This might include daily habits, boundaries in relationships, or career goals. Each small step compounds over time, leading to significant changes. Hold yourself to these standards with compassion; occasional setbacks are part of the journey, but staying committed to your path is what ultimately brings transformation.
Embrace the Journey, Not Just the Destination
Finally, remember that transformation is an ongoing journey, not a final destination. Celebrate your progress and learn from your setbacks. Each stage of the journey offers valuable lessons and growth opportunities. Embrace the twists and turns with curiosity and grace, knowing that every experience shapes you into a more authentic and fulfilled version of yourself.
The start of a new year is a time brimming with potential. By embracing honesty, taking responsibility, and practising courage, you can set the stage for profound transformation. Build your capacity for discomfort, get clear about your desires, and create a supportive environment. Each step taken with intention brings you closer to a life that feels deep, fulfilling, and authentically yours.
Questions for Discussion & Reflection
Reflect on a time when you felt disconnected from your true desires and followed a path that others set for you. How has this shaped your sense of fulfilment?
Can you identify areas in your life where you’ve been pretending to be satisfied but deep down know you’re not? What emotions arise when you admit this to yourself?
Think about a significant life change or decision you made in the past couple of years. What motivated you to take that step and how did it impact your sense of agency and satisfaction?
How do you currently handle feelings of fear and discomfort when faced with a major decision or challenge? Can you think of a recent instance where you acted courageously despite feeling afraid?
In what ways do you feel you might be lying to yourself about your needs, desires, or current life situation? What steps can you take to confront these truths compassionately?
Describe a scenario where inaction has led to maintaining the status quo in your life. How does recognising inaction as a decision itself change your perspective on that situation?
How often do you allow yourself to dream about what you truly want from life? How can you incorporate more space and time for envisioning and clarifying your desires?
Consider a person or situation from which you’ve been seeking approval instead of trusting your own gut feelings. How do you think this reliance has impacted your personal growth?
Identify a small, manageable challenge you can undertake to practise building your capacity for discomfort. How do you believe overcoming this challenge will influence your overall resilience?
Think about a recent moment when you felt genuinely courageous. What specific actions did you take and how did it feel to stand in your courage? How can you build on this experience moving forward?
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Episode Transcript
[00:00:04]:
Welcome back to another episode of On Attachment and Happy New Year. I had had every intention of recording podcasts between my last episode and this one. If you listened to the last one, you would have heard me say that I would have another one around Christmas and it just didn't happen. So we had an unintended podcast hiatus for the past few weeks and so I hope that since I last spoke to you here, you've had a joy filled and restful holiday season. Today's episode is how to transform your life, which sounds like a big topic to tackle in a 20 minutes or so podcast.
[00:01:06]:
And it is. But I always like to, at this time of year, record a podcast that is hopefully inspiring and that calls people forward into courage, into bravery, into their desires and their yearnings for what they life might be. And of course I don't do this from a place of wanting to fuel the machine, of making people feel inadequate or feel like their life is not enough, or that they need to be constantly improving and striving and doing more, but rather an invitation for those who are feeling the pull to maybe expand into something that feels more deeply aligned, a life that feels more in integrity, a life that actually feels good. I think so many of us spend so much of our lives chasing goals or yardsticks or milestones that were maybe never really our true desires to begin with. We just got set upon a trajectory that society determined for us, or maybe our family determined for us, the people around us. And without even really thinking about it, we assume that when we get to XYZ Milestone, then we will be happy, then we will be fulfilled and we find ourselves on a hamster wheel of striving that actually leaves us feeling pretty hollow and empty and disconnected from ourselves. Maybe that's something that resonates with you. It certainly used to be true for me and is true for many of the people that I work with.
[00:02:40]:
For those who don't know much about my personal story, I used to be a corporate lawyer and mergers and acquisitions lawyer, so a far cry from what I do now. And there were parts of that job that I really enjoyed. Don't get me wrong, there was some exhilaration to it at times. It was quite fast paced and unpredictable. I look back on it now and see it mostly as a bit of an addiction to chaos and drama. That whole zero appeal to me nowadays. But at the time I did enjoy it. But I also had this deep knowing that I couldn't let that be my whole life and that if I continued down that path, because in many ways it was the easy thing to do.
[00:03:21]:
I knew what the path in front of me was. Even though it was taxing work, it was also relatively straightforward in terms of, you know, show up, do my job. It was low risk, maybe is a good way of putting it. I had this deep knowing that if I settled for that life, I'd be doing myself a great disservice and I'd be betraying my. My soul's yearning. Maybe that sounds a little esoteric for some, but I suspect at least some of you will know what I mean when I say that. So I'm going to share with you a few tips in today's episode about how you can set yourself on a path that feels more true, that feels more integral and aligned, where you can really come into a sense of authenticity around your life. Who you're being, what you're spending your time doing, who you're spending it with, really allowing the choices that you make and the actions that you take.
[00:04:17]:
That was an unintentional rhyme to feel true to you rather than feeling like you are performing or you're living someone else's life or a life that someone else has decided for you. Because I think sooner or later that catches up with us and there's a really deep grief that comes from living a life that isn't ours. And maybe the opportunity cost of the things that we didn't do because we were scared or because we were uncertain or because we didn't trust ourselves to be able to handle all of the trials and tribulations along the way. So that's what I'm going to be sharing about today. Before I dive into that, I wanted to share a little bit more with you about Homecoming, which is my six month advanced level mastermind. It's a hybrid small group and one to one programme. So our coaching calls are in a small group, but you also have private voice message access to me, so it's sort of like having me in your back pocket for voice message support when you need it. The energy that I'm bringing to Homecoming this time round, this is the third time I'm running, it is I want to invite people into that group who are ready to create a really Almost like a pinch me kind of life.
[00:05:34]:
It's not a programme for people who are wanting to simply feel less anxious, for example, or less insecure. It's actually a programme for people who want more. More joy, more vitality, more ease, more pleasure, more abundance, more freedom. And that's really what I'm feeling so passionate about helping people with at the moment. And not to detract from the folks who are wanting support with feeling less anxious or working on their anxious attachment. That is certainly important work and it's work that I'm really grateful to be able to support people with through my courses. But Homecoming is not that. Homecoming is really the next level.
[00:06:18]:
It's not about going from stressed out and strung out and barely getting by to a bit better. It's going from like, everything looks really good on the outside, but maybe it doesn't feel good. Maybe the success you've achieved feels hollow and you're ready to create a life where you feel truly free and alive. That's what I'm looking for for this next round of Homecoming. So if that resonates with you, I would love to have you in the group. I'll put the link in the show notes. But you're also most welcome to send an email to me or reach out to me on Instagram and we can have a bit of a chat about whether it's a good fit for you. But yeah, I'd really love for you to join.
[00:06:56]:
If those words really reverberate through your being and you're feeling like now is the time for you to make some big moves, to do scary things, maybe to rip the band aid off in one or more areas of your life and you're looking for some support and community in that journey. I'd really love to have you there. Okay, so let's talk about how to transform your life. Now, transforming your life is not an overnight thing, right? And I think that we would all love it to be. Like we could just do something hard once and then everything unfurls girls, in a really elegant way and the hard stuff's over. And then we get to enjoy the spoils of, you know, being brave or making a hard decision or whatever. And of course that's not reality. Of course.
[00:07:42]:
Transforming your life is a process. Making changes, all of that is a process. And it is, you know, the cumulative impact of choices and actions. Things we say yes to, things we say no to, the standards that we set for ourselves and our follow through on those standards. And so it's not an overnight thing, but it's also something that I've been reminded of this quite a bit recently. That change can happen pretty quickly. When I look back on my own life in the past, even three or four years, my life looks radically different to what it did not that long ago in the scheme of things, in terms of my work situation, the scale of my business, my financial situation, my relationship. I've had a baby.
[00:08:27]:
I was in a different relationship four years ago that was really dysfunctional, bordering on toxic. And I was just starting out in a new business, finding my way. And here we are four years later, and I really do feel grateful every day for what life looks like for me now. I also recently caught up with a former client of mine and she was a one on one client of mine two and a half years ago, and she was in a pretty dark place. Life felt really hard and she had a lot of anxiety. She was in a situationship that was driving her crazy and trying to get this person to choose her and show up and really begging for scraps. And bare minimum, she was working a job that she was very successful at but wasn't particularly fulfilling. And I caught up with her recently and she's now with a new partner, pregnant, has started her own business, and is living this beautiful life of ease and freedom and joy and abundance.
[00:09:30]:
And it was, yeah, it was a really beautiful reminder for me that it really is possible. And just to be clear, I'm not sharing her story to take credit at all for those changes, but rather just to demonstrate that things can change relatively quickly in the scheme of things. So if you're not feeling happy about where your life is at the moment, know that it could look radically different in 12 months or two years from now. But it does require you to step into responsibility and agency and trust that you actually have power to affect change in your life. Okay, so let me get into the advice, the advice that I'm giving you on how to transform your life. The first piece of advice is stop lying to yourself. This is big and it's really broad reaching in terms of how it impacts us. I think when we're being dishonest with ourselves.
[00:10:21]:
And this can be about what's working in our life, what isn't, maybe how satisfied we are or unsatisfied, the things that are blocking us, the ways in which we are contributing to our own suffering or misery or our own ill health or lack of vitality. There's lots of ways that we lie to ourselves, and we all do this to varying degrees. But the More honest you are with yourself, the more ruthlessly you can audit your life and what is working and what isn't working, the more that you get clear about the things you've been avoiding, where you've been making excuses, that reveals the path, right? Because that shines a light on all of the things that you have agency over and you know, all of the things that might be contributing to the way you're feeling about life. Life. And being able to see that all clearly and honestly is sort of like flicking the light switch on in a dark room that shows you where your work is. And it makes sense if that feels kind of daunting to be that brutally honest with ourselves. Because I think again, a lot of us, I don't say this with judgement, it's just reality, right? We like to hold on to the story that we are powerless. Sometimes there's some part of us that feels comfort in that story.
[00:11:33]:
Because as soon as we recognise and are honest about the extent of our agency over our situation, then it feels, feels like it's almost incumbent upon us to take action. And if we feel like we're maybe not ready for that level of responsibility or we're maybe not ready to make a big decision, then the incongruence that we feel, having recognised that we actually do have power, but we're not going to make the change, that can be a really hard pill to swallow. And so oftentimes we create more congruence by telling ourselves that we actually don't have the capacity or there's some reason that's bigger than us, that is stopping us from creating the life that we want. So it makes sense if you have resistance to this, but know that it's a really key first piece in changing your life is getting really honest and looking at your life and going, what role am I playing in the creation and maintenance of a status quo that feels unfulfilling to me, that feels maybe even soul destroying to me. Because really no one is going to do that work for you. No one is going to come and save you from that. Okay? The next one is realise that inaction is as much a decision or a choice as action. Okay? A lot of people who struggle with self trust also struggle with indecisiveness and will spend weeks, months, maybe even years weighing up the pros and cons of a decision, but then feeling like they don't trust themselves enough to pick the right decision or to know what the right decision is.
[00:13:10]:
And so they stay sort of paralysed or frozen and they Put off making a decision or making changes until some future point in time when they tell themselves that they'll know better than they do now. Now, again, this makes sense, but just know that doing nothing about something that's within your control is choosing more of the same. Okay, so if there's something that's within your control, a change that you want to make but you're not sure of not making the change is choosing more of what you've already got. I think that mindset shift, again, it mobilises us into a bit more responsibility and maybe it kind of shakes us by the shoulders and wakes us up to the ways in which we are actively creating and authoring our lives, rather than feeling like we're just passively floating along and that by not making changes, we're not actually doing anything. Therefore, we're not responsible. We are responsible for our inaction as much as we are our action. So get really honest again, get honest with yourself about the ways in which you've been hiding in inaction and convincing yourself that there's somehow less responsibility attached to doing nothing than there is attached to doing something. Okay, the next one is get really intimate with your desires, your wants, your yearnings.
[00:14:34]:
This is something that I think a lot of people shy away from and it feels a little bit edgy. But your desires are actually beautiful fuel and energy. And there's so much aliveness in the things that we want for ourselves. And I think a lot of us maybe resist getting clear about our desires and certainly sharing them with others because we think that to do so maybe solidifies them. Maybe it feels vulnerable, maybe it creates the possibility of failure, because as soon as we've articulated I want to do X, y, Z thing, or I want to quit my job and travel around the world, as soon as we say it, it's like it's out there. And so I feel this pressure to follow through. And again, if we don't trust ourselves to follow through, or there's another part of us that's really scared and wants to pull us back into our comfort zone, having tossed the desire out there and letting it be known, whether that's just writing it down for ourselves, it does activates something within us and it sort of plants the seed. And it's hard to undo once you've declared a yearning or a desire for yourself.
[00:15:50]:
And as much as that can be a bit terrifying, and it can, I think it's also something that you can use to your advantage because it does create this energy. It's like lighting A match, and this little fire or flame starts to burn inside you, and I really encourage you to use that to your advantage. So spend time really getting to the heart of what you want from this life. And if you struggle with that, as many people do, maybe try focusing on how you want to feel. I actually get every client I ever work with, I get them to do this. Tell me about how you want your life to feel, right? How do you want your love life to feel? How do you want to feel in your body? How do you want to feel in your work? How do you want your home environment to feel? Really, like, get the ball rolling and just go stream of consciousness on feeling words. So maybe you want your relationship to feel safe and steady, or maybe you want passion and aliveness and adventure, desire, electricity, eroticism. There's so many feelings that we can touch into, and I really do think that it's very, very fertile ground for bringing something to life, to really know what we're trying to embody in terms of the feelings that we're desiring that underp.
[00:17:13]:
Maybe the goals or the intentions. So spend time getting to know yourself and what you really want and yearn for, and give yourself full permission to declare that, whether it's just to yourself or to someone else, but allow yourself to go there. And certainly if you feel a lot of resistance to that, get really curious. What am I afraid of? What is it about voicing my desire is that that terrifies me so much? Because that will be very revealing as well. Okay, the next thing is build your capacity for discomfort. Okay. I heard a really great quote the other day from Dr. Becky Kennedy, who's actually a child psychologist.
[00:17:54]:
She has a great Instagram account and book and everything about parenting. But the quote was, that capability is the antidote to anxiety. And I loved it and I wrote it down because it. It's really at the heart of certainly everything I teach about anxious attachment and building self worth, and has certainly been instrumental in my own life, that the more you experience your own efficacy and capability and capacity to do and overcome hard things or challenge or discomfort, the less anxious you feel because you trust yourself to be able to deal with life, and you trust yourself to be able to handle whatever that life may throw at you and whatever emotions might arise in a situation. We spend so much time and energy trying to prevent bad things from happening so that we don't have to feel uncomfortable emotions. And while that's a very natural expression of our protective parts in our nervous system, it's also very taxing And I think there are far better uses of our time and energy than trying to constantly curate our lives so that we never have to experience discomfort. So really actively seek out opportunities to challenge yourself, to experience discomfort, to push the edges of what you believe you are capable of. And bit by bit, that's how we build our comfort zone.
[00:19:20]:
That's how we expand our comfort zone. And all of a sudden, we're not shying away from things that feel big and scary, we're actually stepping towards them courageously. Because fear is no longer a deterrent for us, it's just part of the price of admission for a big, bold, courageous life. And we know that and we trust in that and we trust in ourselves to be able to deal with it. The last one is Practise Courage, and it's along a similar line to the previous one. Again, I heard a great quote. I was listening to the Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, which is one of her older books, and I've read it a few times before. But I was in the car the other day and I put on the audiobook and there was this line.
[00:20:02]:
I actually think she was quoting someone else else, and I'm not sure who, but she said, you learn to courage by couraging. Which of course is saying, courage is not something we can develop the ability for. In theory, you have to be courageous and do courageous things in order to build your courage and to trust in your ability to be courageous. And of course, courage is not fearlessness, it is feeling fear and doing the thing anyway because it matters and it feels like the right thing. And that is what our integrity and our authenticity is calling us into. That's courage. So it's not like to be courageous, we have to be unafraid. And certainly so many, almost all of the things that I've done in the last five years that have been really formative in creating a life that I have today, I've been shit scared of all of them.
[00:21:00]:
Right. There are still things all the time that feel really edgy and uncomfortable for me and that really require me to practise courage and to trust that whatever happens, whatever the outcome, I can handle it. And it really is a practise. It's just something that you clock reps of and the more reps you do, the more you build that courage muscle. So whether it's little things or big things, and I think it's good to have a combination of both. Practise courage, learn to courage by couraging, and that will be very, very transformative for all aspects of your life because it is ultimately transformative of your inner relationship and that spills out everywhere in the best possible way. Okay, I'm going to leave it there. I hope that this has given you food for thought.
[00:21:49]:
I hope that it has been inspiring for those of you who are a little in need of inspiration or encourage. And I know that conversations around agency and personal responsibility can be a bit confronting. But always know that this advice is coming from not only a loving place, but a place of deeply believing in you and what is possible for your life. And I think sometimes having someone else believe in that when we're a little wobbly can be really helpful in nudging us forward and allowing us to have the self belief to make whatever the changes are that we maybe know we need to or we feel called to make. So going to leave it there. As I said at the start, if all of this is resonating deep in your being and you're feeling the pull to go all in on yourself this year, send me a message about my Homecoming mastermind. Or if you are ready to pull the trigger, you can sign up directly on my website. I would love to have you there and I'd love to walk on that path with you this year.
[00:22:55]:
Thanks for joining me for this episode of On Attachment. If you wanna go deeper on all things attachment, love, and relationships, you can find me on Instagram @stephanie__rigg or at stephanierigg.com. And if you enjoyed this episode, I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review and a 5 star rating. It really does help so much. Thanks again for being here, and I hope to see you again soon.
Keywords from Podcast Episode
On Attachment podcast, relationship coach, Stephanie Rigg, Happy New Year, podcast hiatus, transform your life, inspirational podcast, practical tools, insecurity, thriving relationships, corporate lawyer, mergers and acquisitions, addiction to chaos, soul's yearning, authenticity, performing, high standards, Homecoming mastermind, small group programme, voice message support, pinch me life, freedom, abundance, self trust, self belief, desires, capability, discomfort, courage, resilience, agency, personal responsibility
#160 How to Work Through a Trigger
In today’s episode, we’re talking about how to navigate emotional triggers in a healthy and constructive way. Whether it’s a comment, an argument, or even an unexpected event, triggers can send us into emotional overdrive, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from ourselves. But with the right tools, you can slow down the spiral and regain control over your emotions.
In today’s episode, we’re talking about how to navigate emotional triggers in a healthy and constructive way. Whether it’s a comment, an argument, or even an unexpected event, triggers can send us into emotional overdrive, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from ourselves. But with the right tools, you can slow down the spiral and regain control over your emotions.
I’ll guide you through a simple, four-step process to help you work through triggers in real time. We’ll explore how to pause and ground yourself, tune into what’s happening in your body, examine the story you’re telling yourself about the situation, and identify what you truly need to move forward.
If you’ve ever felt hijacked by your emotions and want practical steps to bring more calm and clarity to these moments, this episode is for you.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
Why we get triggered and how the body responds to perceived threats
The importance of pausing and creating space before reacting
How to tune into your body to notice sensations and ground yourself
Questions to help you check the story you’re telling yourself about the situation
How to discern whether you need to have a conversation or if you can genuinely let it go
Identifying what you need to feel empowered and move forward
✨ Download the free cheat sheet on How to Work Through a Trigger here ✨
Navigating Emotional Triggers: Strategies for Growth and Healing
Emotional triggers are an unavoidable part of life, surfacing in our various relationships — be it romantic, familial, friendships, or even work environments. These triggers often stem from unresolved emotional baggage and can manifest unexpectedly, leaving us feeling out of control. Understanding how to manage these responses is key to fostering healthier relationships and a more secure sense of self.
Recognising Triggers
Triggers are essentially emotional flashpoints that draw a swift and often intense reaction. These moments tap into our past experiences, fears, or insecurities, causing us to react defensively or regretfully. It's not uncommon to look back at these reactions with a sense of bewilderment, wondering why we behaved in such a way. Recognising that these responses are messages from our body can be a crucial first step in managing them.
The Importance of Pausing
When faced with a trigger, the immediate goal should be to pause. The simple act of pausing creates a moment of separation between stimulus and response, allowing an opportunity to choose a considered reaction rather than an impulsive one. It prevents the escalation of emotions and offers a chance to respond from a grounded state.
Understanding the Body’s Response
Physiological responses to triggers are usually rapid, driven by the sympathetic nervous system. The surge of adrenaline and cortisol can make the heart race and induce a state of fight or flight. This physiological response was originally meant for survival, but in modern-day emotional scenarios, it often does more harm than good.
When triggered, tuning into bodily sensations can help ground you. Noticing where you feel tension—perhaps a racing heart or a warm flush—can anchor you in the present moment. This awareness serves as a reminder that while your body is reacting, the situation is not necessarily a threat to your survival.
Shifting Focus
If paying attention to certain bodily sensations exacerbates your stress, then redirecting your focus can be helpful. Shifting attention to neutral or pleasant sensations, like the feel of your feet on the ground or your hands resting softly, can draw you back to a state of calm and control.
Tools for Regulation
Having an array of regulation techniques to draw from can significantly aid in managing emotional triggers. Deep breathing exercises can slow down the heart rate, while physiological sighs—where you take a deep breath in, followed by a second, smaller breath before exhaling slowly—can reset the nervous system. Physical comforts like heat packs or weighted blankets can also bring a sense of security and relaxation.
Engaging Rational Thought
Once you’ve grounded yourself, bringing the rational mind back online is crucial. The rational brain often shuts down during an emotional trigger, leaving instinctual responses to take over. Therefore, it’s helpful to focus on questioning your responses: What story are you telling yourself? What fears or feelings are at play? Are these thoughts grounded in reality, or do they stem from past experiences?
Being able to distil your reactions down to these elements can provide clarity and open up a pathway to more insightful responses.
Communicating About Triggers
Effective communication about triggers in relationships can prevent future feelings of invalidation and misunderstanding. It’s important to approach conversations about triggers with empathy and consideration for both perspectives involved. For example, using “I feel” statements to express your emotions rather than making accusations can lead to more constructive dialogue.
When discussing triggers with partners or others, expressing your feelings plainly and making reasonable requests for future interactions can dissolve tension rather than escalate it.
Choosing When to Let Go
Not every trigger needs to be addressed through a detailed conversation. It’s essential to discern which issues require a resolution and which can be let go. With avoidant partners in particular, pressing every issue can be counterproductive. Letting go means truly releasing the subject without harbouring resentment, thus maintaining emotional balance and relationship harmony.
Turning Triggers into Opportunities
While triggers can be intensely challenging, they also hold the potential for significant personal growth and relationship healing. These moments, though painful, provide insight into unhealed areas and sensitivities that need attention. Developing emotional maturity and utilising self-care tools can transform these triggers from disruptive events into opportunities for repair and deeper understanding.
By recognising and rewriting old stories of distrust or hurt, healing becomes possible. Subsequent triggers need not feel overwhelming; instead, they can become bearers of important messages about your inner world, urging you towards greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
Adopting new, intentional responses to triggers is a crucial step towards personal development and stronger, safer relationships. Emotional triggers are a natural part of the human experience, but with the right tools and approaches, they can lead to profound healing and growth.
Embrace the challenge of working through your triggers for a more resilient, balanced, and fulfilling emotional life.
Questions for Discussion & Reflection
When faced with an emotional trigger, do you find it challenging to pause and create space before reacting? How do you think this initial pause could change the outcome of your interactions?
What physical sensations do you commonly experience when triggered? Can you identify strategies that help you ground yourself and bring safety back to your body?
Reflect on a recent time when you were triggered. What story were you telling yourself in that moment? How might this story be linked to past experiences or unhealed areas?
How do you typically respond when your partner or close friend triggers you? What might it look like to approach these situations with more empathy and understanding of both perspectives?
Think about a trigger that you chose not to discuss with someone. Did you truly let go of the issue, or do you feel lingering resentment? What steps could you take to fully release it?
Consider the last time you felt intense emotions during a triggering event. How did these emotions affect your rational thinking? What methods can you use to bring your rational brain back online in such moments?
Do you practise questioning absolute judgments and adopting generous interpretations when triggered? How do you think this mindset shifts could impact your relationships?
What role does personal responsibility play in your reactions to triggers? How can acknowledging your part in emotional responses foster healthier dynamics with others?
Which issues in your relationships do you feel genuinely require resolution conversations, and which could you let go? How do you distinguish between the two?
Reflect on how your attachment style influences your response to triggers. How can understanding your attachment style help you develop more effective self-care tools and communication strategies?
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Episode Transcript
[00:00:04]:
In today's episode, we are talking all about how to work through a trigger. So there was an episode that I did two and a half years ago at the very start of this podcast. It was one of the first few episodes, and it was called 5 steps to working through a trigger. And it was a really you know, I got a lot of positive feedback at the time.
[00:00:51]:
And so I've always had in my head, like, I've already done an episode on on working through a trigger. But then I sort of zoomed out and realized that that was two and a half years ago, and that the vast majority of you have joined my community since then. And so it's probably a topic worth revisiting because triggers really are a fact of being an imperfect, messy human in imperfect, messy relationships. They affect our romantic relationships, our familial relationships, our friendships, our working relationships. They can really pop up all over the place. And I think that while there's probably a correlation between how much unprocessed wounding and and baggage, so to speak, we're carrying around. I think that the more of that you have under your belt, the more likely you are to be very sensitive and reactive, easily triggered. Even, I think, when you've done a lot of work, you can find yourself in situations that activate something within you.
[00:01:47]:
Maybe someone says something in a particular tone or doesn't say something, and all of a sudden you notice this big response arising in your body. And, for anyone who has had that experience, which I think is most everyone, knows that it can feel almost out of body. It can feel like something is hijacking your system and driving you to snap back or react in ways that you ordinarily wouldn't or that you'd rather not, you know, that are not in alignment with your highest self or your most emotionally mature self. It's amazing how we can regress into this very defensive self protective part when we feel triggered or activated, and it can feel really out of control. And so I think that having a process that allows you to work through a trigger is a very, very empowering thing because it allows you to create that pause, create that space, and feel like you can actually learn from the moment, the experience, rather than, you know, having it hijack your system and maybe make matters a lot worse. By taking an offhand comment and turning it into a whole spiraling rupture in a relationship where you then snap back and say something that you regret and so on and so forth. So I think that having a clear methodology or protocol for yourself around, oh, okay. Like, I feel competent in managing myself and my body and my mind when I'm triggered rather than feeling like I'm at the mercy of my own system and the world around me.
[00:03:19]:
I think that that really allows you to build self trust and trust in the safety of relationships because you're less likely to have ruptures left, right, and center and feel like relationships are a bit of a war zone for you. And I think that then pays dividends because your relationships are likely to be less triggering the less reactive you become. So that's what we're going to be talking about today. And I wanted to say at the outset, I'm going to be outlining kind of a process for you to work through a trigger and to make life a little bit easier. I know most people listen on the go rather than sitting down with a pen and paper. I've made a little PDF that's just a bit of a cheat sheet, a one pager outlining the steps that I'm going to share in this episode. So if you want to download that cheat sheet and you can, you know, save it on your phone or have it nearby so that in the moment you can grab it and have something to lean on, you can download that by following the link in the show notes or heading straight to my website. Hopefully that will support you and provide a bit of a structure while you're still learning.
[00:04:22]:
So before we get into the nitty gritty of all of that, just a reminder. I know I've shared the past few weeks, that I have a couple of events coming up in Australia. So I have a 3 night retreat coming up next May in Byron Bay, which is a very, very beautiful location. If you're not familiar with it, Google it. All the details are on my website. There are still some early bird spots available for anyone who would like to join. And, yeah, if you're interested in doing some deep work over a few days in an incredible location with a great bunch of people, then definitely come join us. The second one is a weekend intensive that I'm running in Sydney, so it's just a 2 day thing rather than an overnight one.
[00:05:03]:
And we'll be doing, you know, a condensed version of my secure self challenge in the course of a weekend. So if you wanna spend a weekend with me at the end of November in Sydney, diving deep into all things self worth, getting clarity around where you're stuck, and really formulating a plan to move your life in the direction that you really want to go with a strong foundation of healthy self esteem and self worth and self confidence, I would love to see you there and you can sign up directly on my website. Okay, so let's talk about how to work through a trigger. So if you've been a listener for a while or you've done any of my programs, you've probably heard me talk about the difference between top down and bottom up approaches to healing, to therapy, to processing trauma or attachment wounds. And the distinction there is basically, you know, do we start with the thinking mind or do we start with the somathe somatic body and the somatic imprint of something. We try and change what is happening in the body by using the mind, or do we try and change what's happening in the mind by using the body? Now, I think that when it comes to working through triggers in particular, it's really, really essential that we start with the body. Because for many people, as I said, you feel this sense of your system being hijacked. You can feel like your body's on fire, your chest is thumping, your stomach churns.
[00:06:23]:
All of those experiences are very much of the body, and that's our sympathetic nervous system that is just firing up, that is activating, that is mobilising, and telling us, you know, something is threatening about this. Something doesn't feel safe, something doesn't feel good. Maybe I'm feeling attacked, maybe I'm, you know, feeling like something very bad is about to happen. Maybe I'm feeling shame, or I'm feeling anxiety, I'm feeling stress, I'm feeling insulted. Any of these things, your body responds almost instantaneously before your mind even has really caught up. Right? And because those experiences tend to originate in the body, it's really important that we start there. Because if you are in that experienceand again, I'm sure most everyone listening can relate to thisjust trying to think your way out of it or rationalise your way out of it it's almost like your body's moving at a faster pace than your mind. And it actually is that your body is moving at a faster pace than your mind.
[00:07:19]:
Oftentimes when we're really in a stress response like that, our prefrontal cortex, our thinking brain, our rational brain is offline, more or less. And so we don't really have access to that anyway. So trying to rationalize or reason our way out of a really intense stress response, which is what's happening when we're triggered in a very acute way, it tends not to be very effective. And as a side note, that's really so many of us will have had the experience where if something happens and we're really caught off guard and we're really triggered, we're really activated, and afterwards, a couple of hours later or days later, you can go, Oh, why didn't I say this? Or, Why did I just stand there? We retrospectively apply our reasonable thinking brain to what was very much a somatic experience in the moment, and we then judge ourselves or shame ourselves for how we responded. But I think it's really useful to remind ourselves that we didn't do all of that because we didn't have access to all of that. We didn't have access to empathy or reason or quick wit or any of those things. We were responding or reacting from a much more instinctual, primal, self protective place. So because of that and knowing that, working with what is going on in our body, 1st and foremost, tends to be most effective in working through a trigger in a way that creates some space, creates more regulation, creates more groundedness, so that we can deliberately bring our prefrontal cortex, our thinking brain, back online and be able to use that as a resource to then eventually process the situation.
[00:08:52]:
But trying to start there is putting the cart before the horse. So all of that being said, the first thing that I want you to do when you notice that you are being triggered, that you have been triggered, that something is activating, is just to pause. Okay? The pause can be a total lifesaver, relationship saver. Because as you'll know, when you get triggered, everything speeds up. That is the inclination, that's where your body goes, and that is a function of your sympathetic nervous system, is to speed everything up. Adrenaline, cortisol, everything starts pumping. It's trying to mobilize you into fast action. Right? It's really important that you try and counteract that rather than just leaning into that accelerant that's happening in your system.
[00:09:33]:
You know, if you are wanting to be able to respond from a grounded place, you're going to need to pause really deliberately and create some space for yourself. It's a very straightforward thing to be able to remember. Simple, but not easy. But nevertheless, if you can go, okay, I'm intrigued. Pause. That's my only job in this moment, is just to pause. Even just that little simple act of pausing will buy you some time and space, and that is really, really critical because that's where we get to change direction. That's where we get to create new pathways for ourselves, rather than just doing the old thing from muscle memory from autopilot that, you know, then reinforces that as the way that we respond.
[00:10:10]:
So just pause. Now, depending on what circumstances you find yourself in, if you're in a conversation with someone, they're right in front of you, and you're really triggered. That pause might need to be accompanied by removing yourself from the situation temporarily. So if you're in a conversation, you might have to say, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom, or I just need a minute, or whatever. Find a way to extract yourself because it's going to be somewhat challenging to take yourself through the process of of working through the trigger. If the person who is really triggering to you and who's just said something or done something is sitting right in front of you, it's going to be hard because your system is still perceiving them as a threat. And so it's going to be quite challenging to override that overwhelming sense that there is something threatening right in front of me that I need to be dealing with. I need to do something about that threat.
[00:10:58]:
So you might be swimming too much against the tide to be trying to ground your system and calm down if you're really face to face with whatever it is that's feeling very triggering to you. So depending on where you're at, you if you are in direct proximity to someone or something that is triggering, it is usually wise to extract yourself, particularly at the start when you're still learning how to do this, when you've still got your training wheels on. So pausing and maybe taking some space for yourself. The next thing that I want you to do once you've done that and you've got that space to process is just to turn your attention inward. So notice what's happening in your body. So that might be racing hot. It might be a real churning in your belly. It might be heat in your face.
[00:11:42]:
It might be like your vision feels a bit disoriented, you might feel a bit dizzy, and there's a good chance that those sensations, those somatic experiences, are things that you have felt before. There's probably a long history of your body creating those responses to similar emotional states or similar feelings. It's like someone strikes the cord and your body knows what that feels like, and it's transporting you throughout the history of your life to all the other times you've felt that, which as a side note, and we'll come to this in a second, is why it can feel so much bigger and deeper and more painful than maybe the situation warrants. Because we are sort of being transported through time and coming to that moment with this accumulation of all of our previous experiences and all the other times we've felt that pain. And so we're responding to a lifetime of, you know, pain and wounding and sensitivity rather than just what is actually happening in that moment. So tuning into those sensations of the body and just noticing. That's your next only job. Okay? I think, again, as we move through this process of working through a trigger, rather than trying to solve the whole situation, rather than trying to figure out what you're going to say to this person or what you're going to do, I really want you to try and narrow your focus to the present moment.
[00:13:03]:
And so your first job is just to pause, your second job is just to notice. So what is going on in my body? What sensations are there? Right? And oftentimes, the turning inwards and the pausing to notice, because you're giving your brain a job to notice, that can distract from the escalation. Right? So that can pull you away from this mounting, snowballing stress. Now for some people, I will just say as a side note, some people will say, when I tune into the sensations of my body, that actually makes it worse, because if I notice that my heart is thumping, then I feel like that causes me more stress, and it kind of, you know, accentuates rather than the stress that I'm feeling. If that's true for you, then something else that you might try is finding a sensation in your body that feels good or neutral. So rather than focusing on the things that feel very stressful to you, if that's your experience, you might, you know, notice your feet planted in the floor. You might notice put your hands together and just notice the sensation of pressure from squeezing your hands together. So finding something that feels at least neutral, or ideally even good or comfortable, and training your attention to be in that sensation and to try and inhabit or embody that sensation with as much of your awareness as is possible and accessible to you, that can be quite a grounding experience that can buy you, again, a bit more space, a bit more time, a bit more pause, and hopefully a bit more regulation.
[00:14:35]:
As a follow on from that, now depending on your body, your system, that in and of itself, that process of noticing might be grounding. If not, and even if it is, you'll usually benefit from then really deliberately taking it a step further, and beyond just the noticing of what's happening in your body, trying to bring some safety back into your body. So that might look like taking some long, deep breaths, accentuating your exhale, doing some physiological sighs, humming. You might even, you know, lie on your bed in a fetal position. You might hug a pillow. All of these things that are quite grounding and create a sense of safety and presence in the body, they can be really, really helpful in the moment ways to bring you back into the here and now. And that's again, as I said, that's really the purpose of all of this, is to remind you that I'm here right now and I'm okay, because your triggered system is going to try and convince you otherwise, and it can be extremely persuasive in doing that. So bringing a bit more regulation into the body.
[00:15:40]:
Again, if you've done my healing anxious attachment course or some of my other programs, we build out a whole toolkit of ways to regulate your nervous system. And I'm sure that you can, you know, find a long list of things just by googling it, you know, tools for nervous system regulation. But any of those things, it's really important in this process of growth to to build out your own toolkit so that you have a lot of things to hand, and you know what to offer your own body when you need it in the moment. You know what works for you. Some other things that I like are like a heat pack or a weighted blanket, those sorts of things that can create a sense of containment and feel like you are held and anchored. All of those things tend to be really supportive as a counter act to the revving of your system into a triggered state. So once you've done that, once you've paused, once you've noticed the sensations of your body, once you've created some safety in the body, and you feel like you're a little bit more online in terms of, you know, your rational, thinking, reasonable brain, that's where we want to start interrogating a little what is actually happening. So this is where we bring in some of the top down questions and the things that I want you to ask.
[00:16:52]:
Again, as I said at the start, I've got a PDF that runs through all of this. So if this is feeling like you're losing track of what the steps are, fear not. There's a quick and easy download that will set it all out for you. But there's sorts of questions I want you to ask. What story am I telling myself about what is happening here? Right? What am I feeling? What am I making this situation mean about me, about them, about our relationship, about the world? What am I afraid is going to happen or has happened? Do I have enough evidence to support the stories that I'm telling myself, or am I catastrophizing? Am I filling in the blanks with worst case scenario interpretations? When else have I felt like this in my life, and is it possible that I am reacting to more than is really here in this moment? Am I reacting to someone or something from my past that's not actually in front of me right now? These sorts of questions really allow us to bring a bit more perspective in and to almost coach ourselves through. And I think that when we can do that, we create this separation within us, a really healthy separation where, rather than being totally consumed by the moment and totally consumed by our feelings, our interpretations, we start to be able to rise above and observe them. And again, just in doing that, just in creating that little bit of space between us and our interpretation, all of that can be really, really helpful in bringing the heat down in our system. Because, again, very reliably, and this is not something that's wrong with you, this is something we all do, When we're feeling triggered, we very quickly go to villain, victim, blame, how dare they, how, why do they think they can speak to me like that, I would never do that, how all of that stuff.
[00:18:40]:
Right? That tends to be what my internal dialogue sounds like when I notice that I get activated by something. And so taking the time to really deliberately slow down and second guess my own very absolute judgmental how dare they kind of story, that is very, very helpful in creating a bit more space, you know, going, what is the most generous interpretation that I can give that comment or this situation, whatever it might be, rather than what is the least generous interpretation, which is what we tend to do by default when we are activated. So going through that process and just sort of softening the edges of those stories that we tell ourselves, even injecting just a little bit of doubt or a little bit of, okay, I'm not totally 100% sure that they are out to get me and trying to hurt me, or that something terrible has happened that I maybe actually don't have all of the evidence to back up. Doing that, I think, allows our system to come down a little bit. It doesn't have to be, like, bringing it back down to 0 where you're meditating in a total zen state, but I think just bringing it down a little bit, again, these are all incremental shifts that allow us to access a bit more of our empathetic parts, our mature parts, our social brain that is going to allow us to eventually deal with this situation in a way that is not destructive to our relationships. So when you've asked all of those questions, and maybe developed a slightly more rounded view of the situation that maybe takes into account what the other person's intention might have been, even if the impact or the way that their comment landed might have really carried a sting for you. Being able to go, well, maybe they didn't mean it that way, or they probably just didn't think about it, or they forgot, or whatever it might be. Having a more generous interpretation, giving someone the benefit of the doubt, Going through all of those processes will really allow you to, come to an eventual conversation in a way that is much more balanced and much more conducive to healthy repair, if that's what needs to happen.
[00:20:48]:
And that leads me into, you know, the final piece of the puzzle here. So we've calmed the body, we've brought the thinking brain back online, and coached ourselves through whatever we've experienced. And really, I think that part is a really key piece in taking responsibility for what we are bringing to the moment rather than just blaming them and saying, well, you triggered me because you did this and you always do that, and how dare you speak to me like that. Recognizing that we are bringing so much to that moment that is leading to almost like a chemical reaction of whatever they've said or done or not said or not done, combined with our unique relational blueprint and history and experience, all of that, and it's caused this kind of explosion within us. And we are part of that equation. So recognizing, like, what am I bringing to this that has led me to interpret the situation in that way? And taking responsibility for whatever narrative or meaning making that we might be getting a bit creative with there. And then finally, what we want to do is figure out what we need. Right? Do I need to have a conversation with someone? For me now, sometimes I'll get triggered and I'll notice all of those stories and it all happens, and I pause and I tune in and I take a bit of space, take maybe a few minutes, maybe more, and I realize that it doesn't actually need a full blown repair.
[00:22:10]:
I don't need to sit down with Joel and say, hey, look. Before when you said this, it made me feel this way, and we really need to talk about it, and it's some whole big thing. Sometimes you can just let it go, and I think that, you know, part of the process of emotionally maturing is having the discernment to know what needs to be talked about, and what needs to be unpacked, and what you can just let go. And I think that, you know, sometimes when we're in the learning phase of this, we take it all very seriously and think that, like, every single little moment of rapture needs to have a full sit down conversation, where we audit what went wrong and come up with a plan to make sure it never happens again. I think that that can get really tiring. And if you've got a more avoidant leaning partner, that's probably going to be challenging for them. I know that historically that has been challenging for Joel. When we've been in phases of more ruptures and needing to have more of those repair conversations, like, several times a week, the resistance in him, I know, definitely mounts.
[00:23:11]:
It feels like he's being, you know, called into the principal's office every time I wanna talk to him. So I think that, like, part of having a secure functioning relationship is being able to let some things go, but I think ultimately you need to figure out for yourself. Can I let this go, or will letting it go mean me stewing on it and being resentful and being privately hurt and still holding onto it, but just not talking about it? So you need to figure out, like, if I'm gonna let it go, I need to let it go rather than just not talking about it and burying it. So figure out, is this okay? Like, can I just write this off as something that I had a big reaction to, but maybe that's because I didn't get a good night's sleep, or I'm being sensitive about something from my past that actually has nothing to do with my partner, or whatever else? Right? You decide for yourself if it needs to be talked about. If it does need to be talked about, I think that you will be in a much better place to do that having gone through this process. I mean, if you compare the way that you would have likely led that conversation if you had started the moment you got triggered, if you just reacted in that moment. Comparing that with the the kind of conversation you're likely to have on the other side of this process, it's like chalk and cheese. There's no comparison there because you're going to have so much more available to you by way of your own inner resources to lead that conversation in a way that is, you know, empathetic and relationally oriented and considering their perspective as well as your own, all of those things.
[00:24:40]:
So decide if you need to have that conversation. Consider what you need. Right? I think that we go into that conversation, we just blurt out, you hurt me, or I didn't like the way you said that, or something that just stops there. And I think that if we can lead that conversation by saying, hey, I noticed before that when x y zed thing happened, I felt a bit hurt, or I felt a bit rejected, or I felt a bit dismissed, and I recognize that that, you know, probably wasn't your intention. You were probably just and you can guess at what a more generous intention might have been. You were probably just distracted, or you were probably just a bit tired or whatever. Right? Something that is not, you are a villain and you're out to get me. But it had this effect on me, and I'd really appreciate it if going forward, you could do something else, right, and make a request of of how things could be different next time.
[00:25:37]:
So I think that if you can do that, you're going to be so much better placed to navigate these moments of trigger in a way that actually leads you closer, because as challenging as triggers can be, they're actually a really beautiful opportunity for insight and growth, because they point us to where there is still residue within us, where there's still unhealed stuff, where there are still sensitivities that maybe need some attention, that need some time. And when we have more capacity and we have the tools to deal with them in this emotionally mature, self caring way, we can actually create a repair opportunity there. Because if I get triggered by something and I feel dismissed and invalidated, and I'm able to identify that in a more nuanced, thoughtful way, and then I'm able to communicate that to my partner, and I'm able to not only share that that's how I felt, but request in a balanced, reasonable way that he do something differently next time, or could he be more considerate of that? And I'm able to deliver that in a way that he can actually hear it, and that he's likely to be able to take that and action it or implement it, then I've actually given myself a really beautiful gift there, because it's less likely that I am going to feel invalidated and dismissed next time. I've given my system a new experience whereby when I'm feeling invalidated and dismissed, that can be actually heard by someone, and we can create a new way going forward. So as much as no one likes getting triggered, but when you develop these tools, you can actually turn those moments of trigger into an opportunity both to deepen your relationship with yourself, to heal parts of you that may be still holding on to old pain or wounding, and also to deepen your relationship with someone else, because part of being in a relationship relationships are incredibly powerful at bringing up our triggers. They will do that. That is not in and of itself a problem. In fact, it's something that you should expect of your relationships.
[00:27:40]:
But really, the difference in a healing relationship is that you're able to take those, and really handle them with care and find a way forward. That you can create a new experience rather than reinforcing the old way which tells you that people don't care about me, or people are going to hurt me, or people always breach trust or whatever it might be. We want to recognize the old story, see when it arises, but then carry it into a new story and that's really where the healing lies. So I hope that this has been a helpful deep dive into working through triggers. As I said, don't forget to download that PDF if you would like it. It's just little one pager, so you can keep it on your phone, keep it handy, or maybe you want to print it out and stick it on your mirror or something, whatever works for you. But it's just a little go to guide that will step you through that process, so that when you are triggered, you have something to reference. And I think, again, even the the act of referring to something, even the act of of having that, allows you to steer yourself towards a new experience rather than just, you know, letting the horse bolt and carry you off into the old way, which might be really reactive and lashing out or out, or snapping back, or sulking or pouting, or whatever your go to is when you're triggered.
[00:28:54]:
Just having the intention to do things differently is a step in the right direction. So hopefully this has been helpful. As always, I'm so grateful for those of you who leave reviews, leave feedback. Also a reminder that all of these episodes are being uploaded to YouTube, so if you are someone who likes watching on YouTube, it would be super helpful for me if you could head on over there and like and subscribe as I'm trying to grow the channel there and grow the podcast on YouTube. But otherwise, thank you so much for joining me, and I look forward to seeing you again next time. Thanks, guys.
[00:29:37]:
Thanks for joining me for this episode of On Attachment. If you wanna go deeper on all things attachment, love, and relationships, you can find me on Instagram @stephanie__rigg or at stephanierigg.com. And if you enjoyed this episode, I'd be so grateful if you could leave a review and a 5 star rating. It really does help so much. Thanks again for being here, and I hope to see you again soon.
Keywords from Podcast Episode
relationship coach, Stephanie Rigg, On Attachment podcast, attachment styles, emotional triggers, emotional triggers in relationships, managing triggers, body-based approach, structured process for triggers, self-trust in relationships, relationship safety, rational brain offline, emotional responses, defensive reactions, regrettable reactions, PDF cheat sheet, Byron Bay retreats, Sydney workshops, personal development, self-worth, attachment healing, discerning issues, processing emotions, empathic communication, balanced requests, old stories of distrust, emotional maturity, self-care tools, physiological responses, nervous system regulation, deep breathing techniques