How do you know if your needs are reasonable and healthy, or if they're rooted in the anxious attachment patterns you're wanting to shift? This question, which is a really common struggle, is what we're unpacking in today's episode.

I share some thoughts on why the answer is actually less clear-cut than the question implies, why our anxious patterns make needs feel so fraught and risky, and what it really takes to know what we need and stand firmly for our wellbeing in our relationships and beyond.

If you have avoidant attachment patterns (or are partnered with someone who does), today's episode offers five truths about your patterns, blind spots, and protective mechanisms that, while perhaps hard to hear, are essential learning if you ultimately want to shift towards healthier relationships.

I talk about:

• How the myth of the perfect partner keeps you stuck in your avoidance

• Why your judgment of your partner's "neediness" is both unhelpful and revealing of your own suppressed emotions

• How your emotions affect the relationship just as much as your partner's, albeit in different ways

• The difference between being solely responsible for a partner's feelings and the reality of healthy interdependence

• The importance of stretching beyond what is comfortable and natural if you want to grow