#251: How I Approach Nervous System Regulation & Wellbeing
Nervous system regulation doesn’t have to become another overwhelming checklist. In this episode, I share a more human, low-lift approach to caring for your wellbeing—one rooted in protecting your energy, simplifying life where possible, and treating yourself as a precious resource. We explore why regulation is often less about doing more, and more about choosing ease, nourishment, and small everyday habits that help you feel resourced.
“Nervous system regulation” has become one of those phrases we hear everywhere lately.
And while it’s wonderful that more people are becoming aware of how stress, overwhelm, and dysregulation affect our lives, there’s also a downside: it can start to feel like yet another thing to optimise.
Another checklist. Another routine. Another set of practices you should be doing.
Meditate every morning. Journal daily. Cold plunge. Breathwork. Supplements. Morning sunlight. Evening wind-down.
If reading that list already makes you feel tired, you’re not alone.
So in this post, I want to offer a more human, achievable version of nervous system regulation. One that’s grounded in real life, not perfection. One that prioritises ease over pressure.
Because regulating your nervous system shouldn’t become the very thing that dysregulates it.
Start by Treating Yourself Like the Golden Goose
A concept I teach often is this idea of treating yourself as the golden goose.
Meaning: you are a precious resource.
If you run yourself into the ground, burn yourself out, constantly override your needs, and operate in a depleted state, nobody wins.
There is nothing noble about exhaustion.
When you care for your energy, your wellbeing, and your capacity, you don’t just benefit yourself—you show up better for everyone and everything that matters to you.
So instead of asking:
How much more can I fit in?
How productive can I be?
How can I push through this?
Try asking:
How can I nourish myself today?
How can I support my energy?
What would help me feel more resourced right now?
That mindset shift changes everything.
Regulation Is Often About What You Don’t Do
When people think of nervous system regulation, they often think of actions to add.
But in my experience, it’s just as much about what you remove.
For example:
Overcommitting
Overscheduling
Saying yes when you mean no
Constant rushing
Filling every spare second
Creating unnecessary pressure
Sometimes the most regulating thing you can do is simplify.
To protect your peace.
To stop making life harder than it needs to be.
To let some things be good enough.
There is immense power in choosing ease.
My Favourite Low-Lift Regulation Tools
These aren’t glamorous, trendy, or complicated. But they work.
1. Prioritising Sleep
Sleep is foundational.
You can’t out-hack chronic exhaustion. You can’t self-regulate well when your body is depleted.
For me, sleep is non-negotiable where possible. Protecting rest is one of the kindest things you can do for your nervous system.
2. Eating Proper Meals
Skipping meals, surviving on caffeine, or ignoring hunger cues creates unnecessary stress for the body.
Good food, eaten consistently, is one of the simplest forms of regulation available to us.
3. Strength Training & Movement
Exercise helps me feel physically strong, mentally clear, and emotionally grounded.
There’s also something powerful about experiencing your own growth in tangible form—lifting heavier, moving better, becoming stronger.
That sense of capability carries into every area of life.
4. Creating a Calming Environment
Your surroundings matter more than you think.
Small things can make a huge difference:
Opening windows
Letting in fresh air
Making the bed
Putting on music
Lighting a candle
Reducing background noise
Tidying visual clutter
These cues signal safety, ease, and spaciousness to your system.
5. Comfortable Clothing
This might sound small, but it matters.
Changing into soft, comfortable clothes after work can signal a shift from doing mode into rest mode.
Your nervous system responds to sensory cues constantly—including how your clothes feel on your body.
6. Slowing the Pace of Life
Not every day needs to be packed.
Not every weekend needs plans.
Not every moment needs productivity.
Sometimes regulation looks like staying home, sitting in the garden, reading a book, moving slowly, and letting life be simple.
Presence Is the Real Skill
More than any specific tool, nervous system regulation is about paying attention.
What feels nourishing right now?
What feels overstimulating?
What feels heavy?
What feels supportive?
Many of us are so disconnected from ourselves that we don’t even notice what our body is asking for.
But regulation often begins in those subtle moments of noticing.
The loud fan that’s irritating you.
The clothes that feel restrictive.
The hunger you’ve ignored.
The full calendar that’s draining you.
The need for quiet.
The need for rest.
Awareness creates choice.
You Don’t Need to Be Perfect
You do not need a flawless morning routine.
You do not need to meditate every day.
You do not need to journal religiously.
You do not need to earn rest through exhaustion first.
What matters more than rigid protocols is the energy with which you care for yourself.
Can you be responsive instead of performative?
Can you be kind instead of demanding?
Can you choose support over self-pressure?
That’s the real work.
Final Thoughts
For me, nervous system wellbeing is something I take seriously—but lightly.
Not through force. Not through endless self-improvement.
But through simplicity. Ease. Practical care.
Through asking:
What is the path of least resistance that still deeply supports me?
Sometimes the most healing thing isn’t adding more.
It’s softening. Simplifying. Listening.
And trusting that small, consistent acts of care matter more than perfection ever could.
You might also like…
[00:00:00]:
Hey everybody. Welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. In today's episode I'm answering the question of what are your favourite, as in my favourite tools for nervous system regulation. So I think this is a very important conversation because this whole topic of nervous system regulation is a very popular one and there has been such a proliferation of content about different protocols and hacks and tools and all of the things that you can do to regulate your nervous system. And while that increase in awareness and availability of information is really wonderful in that it's put this on so many people's radar, I think it does run the risk of feeling overwhelming and obviously that completely defeats the purpose. If you feel overwhelmed by the need to regulate your nervous system, that's not going to be very regulating for your nervous system, of course. So in today's episode I'm going to share what hopefully is a more human achievable version of nervous system regulation. And I'm just going to be sharing in how I think about and approach that in my own day to day life.
[00:01:07]:
And you know, you might be relieved to hear that we're not going to talk about breath, work and meditation and all of the things that frankly can just feel like another to do list item or another thing that you should be doing that you're not doing and then you end up feeling worse about yourself. So in today's episode I'm going to share how I approach this in a very low lift, relaxed kind of way while also being someone who takes my nervous system health and wellbeing extremely seriously. Something that I teach in my secure self challenge is this idea of treating yourself as the golden goose, meaning treating yourself as a precious resource and recognising that if you burn yourself out, if you run yourself into the ground, if you are constantly depleted and lacking in vitality, there's nothing noble about that. It really doesn't serve you or anyone who you love and care about or who depends on you. So really starting from this place of how can I nourish and nurture myself, myself and the quality of my energy so that I have more to give, so that I can, you know, live in a way that feels resourced and you know, all of those things. So that's what really guides my approach. That's my North Star insofar as nervous system regulation is concerned. Before we get into today's discussion, a reminder to please make sure you're following or subscribe to the show, wherever it is that you're watching or listening.
[00:02:28]:
Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, it really is such a big help to me for you to be subscribed, for you to comment and share all of those things. I know it feels like a bit of a pain if you're on that side of the equation, but for me, it is a huge help. It helps me to continue to be able to create and put out two episodes a week. So grateful for all of your ongoing support and engagement with the show. It really does mean the world. Okay, so let's talk about nervous system regulation now. I live a pretty full life in some ways. I don't like saying busy.
[00:03:01]:
I actually really hate the way that we all habitually respond with busy. Whenever someone asks, how are you? Or how have you been? The textbook response is, yeah, good, but busy. And I really try and monitor that within myself because I think it's such a boring thing for us all to say to each other all the time. But the truth is, life is full. You know, I run a business, I'm writing a book, I put out podcast episodes, you know, I deliver my programmes. I have a small team and I only work five hours a day because in the afternoons I spend time with my toddler, my son. So I fit a lot into not that much time and there are balls to juggle. And I really prioritise not only showing up in my business, but showing up for my family and doing that all in as resourced a way as I can.
[00:03:51]:
And so the guiding principle for me is always how can I protect and defend the quality of my energy? How can I pour into myself, how can I make sure that I am well taken care of, well nourished, well resourced, such that I have plenty to give and I don't feel, you know, bone dry at the end of the day. So I am very mindful of making sure that I'm not over committing, over scheduling, you know, saying no to things that I think might cause me stress, or, you know, putting in place things that will allow me to get done what I need to do without being stressed. All of that is a guiding principle. I don't just say yes to everything and then figure it out later. I'm really not interested in things that are going to be a source of stress and overwhelm. And that is something that I take very seriously in terms of, you know, protecting my energy, in terms of like actual protocols for nervous system regulation. To be honest, I am not someone who meditates. I'm not someone who does breath work.
[00:04:51]:
I'm not even really someone who journals. I wish I was, because whenever I read back on journal entries that I've written over the years. I'm like, oh, I really love that I have this and I wish I did it more, but I don't have like a daily journaling practise. It is like one of my New Year's resolutions every year to do that. And I never really do, never say never. Maybe next year, maybe even this year. But all of that to say. I guess I'm just trying to dispel the idea that you need to be perfect and do all of these things that we associate with nervous system regulation.
[00:05:22]:
All of that is surplus to requirement as far as I'm concerned. And I think what we really want to be shooting for is not specific things that you have to do, but the energy with which you approach your self care. Right? Because if you are giving yourself this rigid checkbox list of all the things you must do to regulate your nervous system, otherwise you are not succeeding at regulating your nervous system, I can guarantee you that you're going to be more highly strung and stressed out at the end of all of that than if you had been a little bit more relaxed about it. So I think yes, we want to have high standards, but ultimately be relaxed and spacious about what we need in any given moment that can. These are tools that I teach in my programmes, in both my Healing Anxious Attachment programme and my Secure Self Challenge. So it may be familiar to some of you who've gone through those programmes. Some of the specific things that I really prioritise are obvious ones. Sleep, good food, you know, those are balls that I will not drop.
[00:06:22]:
So, you know, there are lots of people who will, you know, be running around constantly and forget to eat and then, you know, all of that kind of stuff. That's just not something that I allow to happen. Might just be because I really love eating good food, but I will always make time for that, to have proper meals and to get to bed at a reasonable hour. Usually I go to sleep by 8:39 o' clock and get at least eight hours sleep, albeit with a toddler in the bed with me. So, you know, we try. But those sorts of things are essential pillars that I treat as pretty non negotiable. Exercise is another. I do strength training a few days a week.
[00:07:02]:
That's really important to me. It helps me to feel, not only feel physically well, but I think the mindset and mental benefits of feeling strong and capable and continuing to push those limits and see that really tangible evidence of your growth is a very powerful lesson for all areas of life. And that's an unexpected benefit of something like strength training or any other kind of exercise. Where you're progressing over time is that you get to see an experience, embodied evidence of your own growth. And that, as I said, is. Is a really powerful thing to take into all aspects of life. Other things that I really prioritise are my space. So when I am at home, you know, simple things like opening up the windows and letting in fresh air, putting on some music, you know, putting on essential oils or lighting a candle, making the bed, all of these very obvious things that make a huge difference in terms of what my system perceives as overwhelmin, overwhelming or not.
[00:08:05]:
So even if I'm running around after my toddler, the dogs are barking, all of the things, there are small tweaks that I can make in the direction of more ease, more spaciousness, more pleasure, more joy. And I will always be very consciously attuned to how I can make those tweaks to bring my system into more regulation. You know, Joel, my partner, always makes fun of me that I'm very sound sensitive. So like paying attention to a whirring like the range hood fan or the bathroom fan, those things being on in the background are really dysregulating to me. And so turning that off and feeling like, ah, better quiet, all of those little things. And it really is just a matter of paying attention, right? I think a lot of the time we're not present enough to notice what our system needs and to respond to that. So for me, a big part of feeling regulated in my system is, you know, making my space as conducive to a sense of calm as is possible at any given time with all of the life variables thrown into the mix. So that's another one that I really prioritise, another thing which is a little bit silly maybe, and maybe very obvious, but I think it's something we don't necessarily associate with nervous system regulation.
[00:09:22]:
But for me, it's absolutely part of that is the clothes that I'm wearing make a huge difference too, how my system is feeling and like the temperature that I'm at, physical temperature, but like the felt sense in my body and system. So I get home from work, I work in the mornings, and I get home around lunchtime. And I will often get back into pyjamas at lunchtime and more or less be in pyjamas for the rest of the day or other really comfortable clothes. So I will be wearing whatever I wear to get dressed to go to work in the morning and then I kind of mark that state shift from work and doing into more comfort and relaxation and presence when I come home to spend time with my son in the afternoons. And that's when I will do things like cooking, tidying up, whatever else and to feel much more comfortable and at ease with clothes. That's something that makes a really big difference for me. And it's all of these little cues for our system that like ah, I get to shift gears at this point. And again like that might seem really obvious but I think when we're doing it deliberately, deliberately and we're doing it almost as like an offering to our system, that's what allows us to feel more present and more well resourced rather than just like rushing through the day and doing all of the things and then feeling really, you know, frazzled and depleted and burnt out at the end of it.
[00:10:48]:
One more piece that I'll add. I feel like this has been a very all over the place episode. So my apologies if this is just like a long, rambling, unhelpful stream of consciousness. Part of my nervous system regulation is it's not only the things I do, it's the things that I don't do. And I sort of alluded to this earlier in that I don't over schedule myself. I don't try to fit a million things in. I have a heavy, heavy orientation towards simplicity and ease. And certainly in motherhood this has been a big thing.
[00:11:17]:
I think so many of us can fall into the trap, particularly if you're more, you know, type A, overachieving, must do all of the things and must do them perfectly. It's so easy to burn yourself out doing that. And for me I've taken the opposite approach and it has really worked well for me and for our family. So we don't do much. We hang out at home, we sit in the garden. You know, my son very happily potters around and plays sweeping with a broom or putting things in a bucket of water. And I can sit and read a book or do some other things around the house. We don't go to a million activities.
[00:11:53]:
We don't put pressure on ourselves to like get dressed and go places and go to play dates and go here and go there. Anything that feels like a should, I am very, very reluctant to do unless there's a good reason for it. So being really led by what is the most easeful, simple thing for us to do now, because I really do prioritise the overall nervous system of the family unit above all else. And so if it feels like, oh, getting Ollie dressed and put in the car and so we can go there and do that and run around, like, if that just feels like it's an uphill battle and there's no real reason for that to need to happen right now, then it doesn't happen. And I think that that's a really important thing for me. And obviously not everyone has kids or young kids or whatever, but adapt that to your own circumstances in a way that makes sense. What things can I stop doing or what do I need to maybe just let go of and say, does this really matter? All of these things that I put pressure on myself to do and achieve and must go there, must do this, must do that. If it feels like a net negative, if it feels like a.
[00:13:02]:
It's just draining you, it's putting holes in the bucket, you know, Query. Are there some things that I could maybe cull here? Are there things that I could let go of that are actually just not helpful, that don't feel like they are, you know, necessary or contributing to my life and the quality of my energy in, you know, a way that is really worthwhile? So that's that. I don't know if that was helpful to anyone or if, as I said, that was just like a long stream of consciousness ramble about how I approach nervous system wellbeing and regulation. You know, as I said, I take it extremely seriously. And also I consider myself to be fundamentally quite lazy. You know, I. Maybe that's harsh, but I am very, very oriented towards ease and simplicity. So that's kind of how I make it work.
[00:13:53]:
What is the path of least resistance? How can I take great care of myself and my family in a way that feels well resourced so we can feel like we get what we need? Those are the principles that really guide how I think about and approach this. And you know, that key point of treating yourself like a precious resource, like the golden goose, and also focusing less on the specifics of nervous system regulation protocols and actually the energy with which you respond to and attune to yourself. I think that's really the key and that that for me is like the achievable human way to think about all of this, rather than driving yourself crazy with the latest protocol that you have to figure out how to weave into your day somehow in amongst a million other things. So hope that this has been helpful. Hope has been reassuring for any other folks who feel a bit intimidated or daunted by the idea of all of that noise around nervous system regulation. Take comfort in the fact that you don't have to start doing holotropic breathwork and cold plunges every morning, Although you certainly can if you want to. And that's kind of the point. Okay, sending you lots of love.
[00:15:05]:
Thanks for tuning in, guys, and I look forward to seeing you again next time.
Keywords from Podcast Episode
Nervous system regulation, nervous system wellbeing, nervous system health, self care, stress management, energy management, overcommitment, burnout prevention, self nourishment, self nurturing, secure self challenge, protecting energy, scheduling boundaries, saying no, simplicity, ease, family life, motherhood, quality of sleep, good food, proper meals, strength training, exercise, creating calm spaces, sound sensitivity, comfort clothing, work-life balance, saying no to shoulds, reducing pressure, adapting routines, treating yourself as a precious resource